Umm I'm too high to move.
Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
