if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Randomize
