So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
