Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Floor bacon is actually really good
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