he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
