dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
I'm getting married
To pizza
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
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