Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize