Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
