I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
