when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
You ruined the universe
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
