so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
