I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
I think I just shit out all my problems.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
