Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Randomize
