Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
