Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
