i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
