dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
