He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
We are all done wearing pants today
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Randomize
