watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Randomize
