she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
I pour the whiskey from now on
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Randomize
