too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Randomize
