he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
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