I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Randomize