I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Randomize
