is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
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