When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
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