here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
Randomize
