I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
the new term for farting is butt boxing.
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
