I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
Randomize
