how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize
