Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
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