hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
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