I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
