Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
