i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
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