Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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