Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Randomize
