also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Randomize
