We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
I don't �care how much you're grieving �a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.�
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Randomize
