She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
