It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Randomize
