i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
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