He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
