i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
and i looked up. we had an audience...
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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