in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
