apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
Randomize
