I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Randomize
