I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
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