in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Randomize
