I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
I see more hoeing in ur future
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