Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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